January 10th - caramel apples and gingerbread cookies

I'm having trouble coming to terms with how I should treat other people, specifically people who have done things and have not gotten what I would deem punishment for it.

Now I know that God judges and God delivers punishment and grace and mercy and is divine. I am aware that I am a sinner and if not for His mercy and grace I'd be going to hell. I know to offer my other cheek when I'm hurt, I know the plank and the dust in the eyes, but I just feel so angry. I feel so angry that my mother can just do so crappy to everyone and then come back and have everything be okay. I'm not okay with forgiving her or letting it go or letting her live her life. I don't care if she is happy or not, I do not wish good things for her.

I am angry and I feel like I'm not allowed to be. I am allowed to forgive and give it to God and turn the other cheek and honor my mother and father and I don't want to do any of that. I was abandoned with a who gives a shit attitude by her, my family wasn't considering taking in my sister and I and if so they would do it with the grace of the Dursley's giving Harry the smallest room in the house.

Friends talked about helping but they aren't family. I was not and am not under any delusions that they were gonna help me and my sister. They have their own families and own lives to deal with and in the end it isn't a care for them if we had somewhere to be or not. Words are not actions and I put no faith in them.

I just feel angry and angry that I am not allowed to feel angry. I'm not allowed to be pissed at my mom, I'm not allowed to remember the way people treated me and act according to it.

The fact that I have to be above it is smothering me.

Caramel apple recipe - http://m.allrecipes.com/recipe/228210/the-best-caramel-apples/

Gingerbread cookies came from a box

Purpose

This blog will be used to post the food I make throughout the year and as a reference for myself to look back on.  It will have personal posts and pictures of food and how I made it.

The reason behind it isn't so that people can use the recipes that I poorly type up but as a kind of journal if you will. If that even makes sense. But for 2015 and how I endure.

January 7th - Chicken and Rice Soup

The Friday after christmas, I spent all day in bed sick. The hawkins were sick, my aunt was getting over pneumonia and my sister was not feeling good as well. Thankfully I got over it pretty easily but my sister is still feeling the effects of a lingering cold. Or it is just congestion causing snoring which causes a sore throat, so I decided to use up the last chicken breast and the last of the carrots for chicken and rice soup.

I have made chicken and rice soup before but it came out weird and spiced so I made sure to taste this one a few times. It was a bit salty but enjoyable none the less. I put it together using part of a different soup recipe.

We are planning on going grocery shopping again and I'm tempted to make another soup but I'm not sure. I made the soup a bit creamy because that is how my sister enjoys soup, but I'm probably not going to do that again.

○3 table spoons butter
○Carrots, chopped
○onions, diced
○ garlic cloves, about two grated
○one chicken breast, diced into little squares
○2 bags boil in a bag rice
○32 oz chicken broth
○salt, pepper to taste
Note: can add in some chopped celery too. Can exchange rice for noodles. Can add other things to flavor the soup, I just went for simple.

Follow instructions on boil bag rice, when finished rinse in cold water.
Add in butter to soup pot and melt.
Sauté chicken, carrots and onions til tender (and chicken cooked)
Add in garlic, cook about 2 mins
Pour in broth and bring to a boil then reduce heat.
Add in salt and pepper to taste.
In a bowl, pour in rice first then soup.

Pretty simple soup.